Chapter 2: The Courtship and Equal Rights

Ok. So you managed to make a date with the possible girl of your dreams. What next? The ever fun courting process! Courting is defined as the wooing of one person by another. Well guys, the female population has us over a barrel here. Men generally are more visual, as women tend to be a bit more cerebral. To simplify, if they look good, we’re happy. Well guys here comes the disappointment, women are not like that. A good tie and crisp shirt, with that playful smile will get you started, but it will not keep you afloat for long. You need to formulate a plan. You need romance, intrigue and excitement. For sake of clarity, you can NOT get these things at MacDonalds. A bit of care and planning needs to take place. Women like fancy restaurants. Anything with French in the name is probably a good bet. Now guys, these restaurants won’t be serving hamburgers and fries, and most likely will not have your grandma’s special barbeque sauce, but these places still have meat. Steak is usually a staple on these menus. It is very important that we make a good impression guys, so remember, keep your imitation of T-Rex ripping apart meat from the bones. Save that for the second date.

Ok, so we make it to the restaurant. Here is where the little things count. What are the little things you ask? Well I’m glad you did. It means your paying attention. Little things that make women notice are things like, letting her sit first, pulling out her chair, placing your napkin on your lap and not in your shirt, no slurping if you get soup, and most important, always, always use your utensils. Another thing to remember is, unlike dinner with your buddies, it is not a race. Take your time, enjoy her company. If you finish too soon before her, she may feel intimidated and try to finish faster. That could mean your date will end in the emergency room, or with the waiter administering the Heimlich maneuver. With either ending, I can assure you there will not be a second date.

So dinner went well. The next thing that comes up is payment. The thing to remember here is that woman like to see a man pay. Yes they have fought for equal rights, and want to be recognized the same as men, but in the world of romance these things become a bit convoluted. Truthfully, if you pay for her, it will show her that men are not pigs, and that there is still hope for us. It is that hope that we count on guys. If she insists on paying her share, tell her that such a beautiful lady should be treated like a queen, and that you would not think of her paying. Alternatively you could tell her that she could possibly pay next time, setting the possibility for a future date. Little tricks like these will get you far guys, so remember them.

The next thing I want to bring up is Chivalry. What is chivalry? It is defined as the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. The key things in this are Courtesy and Generosity. Holding the door for her, buying the little stuffed dog in the shop window for her, without her having to ask, letting her go first on the Mini-putt course. Small things that make a world of difference. Now guys just because I mentioned a knight, it doesn’t mean you get to carry a sword. In most cities this is illegal, and will get you a night in jail. So go and put the swords back. Now that the weapons are safely put away, let’s continue.

Women like to be wooed. This is a simple fact, and if you ask them, most women would say of course they like it! Really who wouldn’t? It goes back to the days of yore where men actively courted women and made a giant deal of it. They would go to great lengths to impress the women who had impressed themselves on the hearts of the men. The courting rituals of old are a bit antiquated now, but still have some relevance. Let as look at it shall we?

The courting call was a complicated event. One had to observe the appropriate amount of time between invitation and actual visit.

Where this is not as important as it once was, it is still good space time between, so as not to appear to be a stalker, or freak.

The first courtship calls must be made with the girl's mother present at all times. It was appropriate to bring a small gift for the daughter and Mother.

This is very important still today. I mean really, if the mother doesn’t like you, hoe far do you think you’ll get?

It was extremely important to conduct a proper discussion on only a small amount of topics, all of which covered the man's interests, but nothing too personal.

I would rethink this one for the 21st Century. Discussion is important, and not heavy discussion, but I would make it relevant to something you both enjoy, or guide it towards finding more information on her.

Men sent absurdly romantic love letters gushing such scribes as a "kisses for you, my one true love ".

Guys if I need to tell you how important this is, than you had better close this book now. The key things to remember here is best behavior, act like a gentleman, and show the girl a good time. This will pave the way for better things.

Chapter 1 : Attracting a Woman

Since the dawn of time, men have looked for ways to attract the fairer sex. We have come a long way since the caveman days, of clubbing a woman over the head, and dragging her home by the hair. (Well most of us have) Don’t be fooled however. It was much simpler back in those historic days. Now the game of attraction has become very complicated and complex. But fear not, for I have discovered the secret to success! (Well it’s not much of a secret). It is simply summed up in one word: Confidence. Yes guys, you too can get the lady of your dreams! But you have to know what to look for and when to look for it. For example: Some women may find you attractive one day but not others, depending on what they're looking for that particular day. If she's just looking for an exciting partner for the night, a woman might choose someone completely different from the guy she'd like to have a relationship with.

Women may look for a real “Buff Guy" for the fling, even though in the long term they'd rather have someone they can really talk to and communicate with. Not to say you shouldn’t keep in shape, so put down that bag of Doritos and keep listening. While confidence is the key, once you get the door open you need to find a good way to keep it open. One of the best ways I have found is sweet talk. Guys never under estimate the value of a few sweet nothings whispered in an ear. For now though, let’s explore how to go about attracting that special someone. As I mentioned confidence is key, but there are other things that play a role. An important one is Perception. View this scenario. A good looking guy drives by in a Porsche. He honks at a girl walking by. She sees the car, assumes he has money, and is successful, so she waves back. Now, same guy, on the bus. The bus rolls by, he waves and whistles from the bus. The girl hollers some obscenity back, and is insulted. The difference? Perception.

For the most part people don’t believe successful people take the bus. On a deeper level, do you think a girl wants to go out on a date with a guy who doesn’t have his own transportation? Of course some will, but to actually attract a girl, trying to do it from public transportation is not going to cut it. Next is Appearance. The statement “The Clothes Make the Man” is not far from the truth. Think about it. It has been told to me, that most women know within minutes if they will sleep with a guy. With those kind of odds, do you think it should be left to chance? If they decide that fast, then appearance obviously plays a big part. That means no baggy clothes guys. Shirt (tucked in), nice pants, shoes, hair combed, the whole nine yards. I know this seems simple guys, but many of us miss this stuff.

 For most of you it’s just a review, but we need to help out our fellow man! So on to the sweet nothings. Words have such power guys, but you need to be careful. There is a fine line between cheesy and good. Cheesy will get you a drink in your face, or possibly get you slapped. Use common sense here. Lines like “ Hey baby, are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day” Are not , I repeat ARE NOT good things to say. You may think these are clever, but you’d be wrong. That is actually one of the worst pick up lines ever. Some examples of not to says are :


You must be a hell of a thief, because you stole my heart from across the room.

Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.


If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

These will not only cause the woman to be repulsed, it will make you sound utterly stupid in the meantime. I am going to list a few examples of better things to say. Feel free to be creative, but these will get you started.

If I had but one minute left to live, I would spend it with you, for when I am with you, time has no meaning.


Stars that shine with all their brightness are but mere specks compared to your lovely eyes.

Now these may not get you all the way there, but they will get you a better start. They will make the ladies think you are semi intellectual, and if you are dressed well, as previously mentioned, you are off to a good start.

Intro

Some 10 years ago, I had an idea for a book. Seeing all the self help books and books by Doctors and the like, I decided a type of self help book was needed from the common perspective. I started out with the intention of having a serious compilation, but along the way decided that I would make it humorous instead. I work on it for a while, then it got shelved for other projects. I recently revisited it, and read it over . it’s amazing how we see ourselves evolve over the years. I decided that I would use this book I wrote as a means to mildly entertain in a digital media format. I don’t think I will ever have the time to polish and shine this up, but as a treat, I’m going to post the book, in its entirety, as blog entries.


Over the course of the next few months, I will post excerpts of the book for people to read. I warn you, it is not highly polished, but I hope it will be enjoyable.

The Book is entitled “ The Common Man’s Guide to Woman, as told by the Common Man”. It is essentially a tongue in cheek look at men and women. As always comments are welcome.

I hope you enjoy it.